Navigating Sex in Contact Improvisation for those in Positions of Power

Author: Kathleen Rea
Published August 2018, updated in November 2024

I wrote this article for members of the contact improvisation community who have positions of power within their community. Their power can derive from being a teacher, organizer, or committee member. These are well-defined leadership roles but, even if someone does not have a direct leadership role, they still may have power and influence as a result of the dominant culture that affords them power due to their defining characteristics. For example, a tall, able-bodied, athletic, typically good-looking person who is an experienced dancer who excels in lifting technique might have a kind of “rock star” status, whether they choose it or not. Another example is a friendly more senior person who has been going to the jam for 20 years and may be seen as a “caretaker of the space”. Please note, power is not a bad thing. However, those who have it have a responsibility to make sure they use their power in an ethical manner.

Let’s say you are in a position of power and there is someone at a dance jam or class that you are attracted to. How should you proceed?

Let me give you an overview of how this can play out. In a sexual or romantic relationship where there is a power differential between two people, there is a risk that the person with less power may feel a reduced ability to enforce boundaries. If they do enforce their boundaries they may worry there will be a price to pay for doing so.  For these reasons, relationships with power imbalances have a higher risk of leading to hurt and even abuse.  For example, in a student/teacher relationship, the teacher inherently has power over the student. This can make it hard for the student to assert their boundaries when the teacher “muscles” them into a lift or pursues them romantically. Power imbalances don’t just happen in the teacher/student relationship. They can occur when there is a gap in age, experience level, ability, or level of societal privilege. For groups that face systemic “isms”, such as racism, sexism, ableism, ageism, homophobia etc., as well as groups that are underrepresented or made to feel invisible the risk of repercussions when setting boundaries is greater. Some people also may manipulate situations to exacerbate the power differential through bullying behaviors, and/or attempts to undermine someone’s community connections or confidence in themselves.

In situations where boundary setting becomes blurry due to a power imbalance, I think the tenet in Contact Improvisation that we each are responsible for protecting our own boundaries falls short. CI dancer, Richard Kim in his blog posts Rules refers to this tenant as the “First Rule of CI”. He explains that this rule encourages self-responsibility; that we each are responsible for taking care of ourselves. Richard goes on to discuss that while it supports the safety of the practice it is sometimes used as an excuse for not being proactive when it comes to preventing abuse.

I feel “take care of yourself” is a valuable concept that should continue to be promoted. However, I feel it does not shed light on the complexities of power issues and another guidelines “take care of others”  needs to be included. To uphold this additional guiding principal people in positions of power need to better understand their power.

Acting with responsibility in regard to power sounds like a good plan, but what does it mean? The following is a quiz that helps you guess at whether power imbalances may be at play in a potential relationship. Following that, I provide recommendations and then a list of possible actions that can help minimize the risk that power imbalances will lead to abuse. There is also space provided for your own thoughts so that the quiz can become a platform that generates self-learning.

The Quiz: Is there a power imbalance?

Is there a person you are considering entering a relationship with? If so then ask yourself the following questions and rate the level of possible power imbalance issues on a scale of 0 – 10.

• 0 means you guess the situation does not at all affect consent processes.
• 5 means you think that consent processes and boundary setting may be blurred as a result of a power imbalance.
• 10 means you believe there is a clear power imbalance and as a result, there is a serious risk that consent processes and boundary setting will be compromised. This score also indicates that due to potential power imbalance issues you believe proceeding is not advised.
• If the scenario does not apply, just put “NA”.

The person is a dance student of yours and you are responsible for giving them a pass or fail grade that will affect their academic standing. How would you guess this affects consent processes?    Score:_________

The person just began studying Contact Improvisation a few days ago and they seem to be “star-struck” by the form and have not yet acclimatized themselves to jam culture. How would you guess this affects consent processes?      Score:_________

The person is new to Contact Improvisation and they seem to be having an intense oxytocin and endorphin “high” from the high level of touch they are experiencing. How would you guess this affects consent processes?  Score:_________

You are a person of influence in the community where they dance, and they have been going to the dance jam for two months or less. They are part-way through the process of acclimatizing themselves to contact improvisation. How would you guess this affects consent processes? Score:_________

The person is in a distraught emotional state or alternately has “zoned out” as a way to cope with stress or emotional intensity.  How would you guess this affects consent processes?  Score:_________

You are acting as a mentor in an officially assigned manner.  How would you guess this affects their ability to assert boundaries?     Score: _________

You play a mentorship role in an unofficial capacity. How would you guess this affects consent processes?      Score:_________

They rely heavily on you for advice, wisdom, or expertise. How would you guess this affects consent processes? Score: _________

The person is intoxicated. How would you guess this affects their ability to assert boundaries?   Score:_________

The person is an occasional student of yours in open community classes. How would you guess this affects consent processes?    Score:__________

The person is a student of yours in a weekend workshop. How would you guess this affects consent processes?    Score:__________

You are one of 20 teachers in a large contact Festival they are attending. How would you guess this affects consent processes?    Score:__________

Your standing in the community means that you could have influence over their contact improvisation social life and/or career. How would you guess this affects consent processes?       Score:__________

You have been dancing CI for many more years than they have. How would you guess this affects consent processes?       Score:__________

You have a higher degree of skill as a CI dancer than they have. How would you guess this affects consent processes?      Score:__________

There is an age gap between you. How would you guess this affects consent processes?  Score:__________

You are from a group that is given societal privileges that they are not.  Please note those in a position of privilege may not be able to see that they have privileges others do not.  How would you guess social privilege affects consent processes?    Score:__________

The person is from a group that is unrepresented in the Contact Improvisation world and you are from a group that is well-represented.  How would you guess this affects consent processes?  Score:__________

List a power imbalance issue not yet listed above:________________________________. How would you guess this affects consent processes?   Score:__________

Subcategory of questions in this quiz that assess the effect of unconsciously or consciously working to fabricate or elevate a power imbalance to your favour.

You have lied to them, threatened them, or undermined their community connections or their confidence in themselves and their beliefs to increase your influence over them.  How would you guess this affects consent processes?  Score:_________

You have complimented and flattered them to the point that they may be relying on your attention for a self-esteem boost or need reassurance. How would you guess this affects consent processes?  Score:_________

You have used gaslighting techniques to disorientate them and make them doubt themselves. How would you guess this affects consent processes?  Score:_________

You have withheld information about your relationship status or intentions, disabling their ability to make an informed choice. How would you guess this affects consent processes?  Score:_________

Adding up your score

Please add up all your answers. The score represents a guess at whether power imbalance issues may influence the process of consent and boundary setting in a prospective relationship. This score does not indicate that a power imbalance exists or does not exist or if it will cause harm. It instead indicates your guess at the level of risk. A higher score, may not necessarily be an issue. It is possible for an empowered person to give clear consent even when it might look like there is a high risk they may not be able to do so. Alternatively, a low score does not necessarily mean there are no power imbalances. Due to trauma or unseen issues, there may still be a large power imbalance at play.

Even though your score indicates your best guess at the level of risk that a power imbalance exists, there are still situations in which pursuing a sexual relationship should automatically be a no-go. This should be the case when:

• upholding community agreements indicates so, when power abuse tactics have been used,
• when the power differential is extreme
• when an altered state is impairing decision-making (including intoxication, star-struck states, and emotional upset or zone-out).
• When mutual and affirmative, yes to proceed has not been given by all involved.

If the quiz score is only your best guess, then how should you proceed? The important part is that you do not make yourself the expert on another person’s experience. You may start the conversation something like this “I am a more experienced dancer (or insert power imbalance issue you have guessed might exist) and I was wondering how you feel this might affect consent processes with me?”  This can then be the starting point for a conversation in which all parties are supported in naming what might be occurring for them.  One suggestion is that you fill in the quiz and then have your partner or prospective partner read the answers and tell you if you guessed correctly. Even so, power imbalances might make it hard for the person with lesser power to speak up.

Also, do not do this quiz to guarantee a good outcome. Instead, use this quiz and its suggestions as a way to open up the conversation within yourself and/or with another.

I believe there is some degree of power imbalance in all relationships. There is no situation in which they do not show up. The idea is that mild power imbalances carry a low risk of causing harm and profound power imbalances indicate a hard line that should not be crossed. In between that is a whole grey area that needs to be worked out and attended to by both parties.

Also, above and beyond any recommendations made in this quiz, please act within the community agreements of the Contact Improvisation community you are a part of. For example, if you are a CI professor in a college setting which stipulates that professors must not have relationships with students then you will need to uphold that agreement. Another example would be that some CI jams clearly stipulated that their venue is not a place to find sex partners, while other festivals such as Touch&Play have many sex-welcoming components. Knowing the culture in which you are navigating a relationship in is key so you can uphold community agreements. Familiarize yourself with the guidelines or guiding principles of each dance jam or event. This is especially important for teachers and dancers who travel to different events. I suggest that you do not carry a set of personal guidelines in your suitcase that you apply to all situations but instead require yourself to learn about and uphold the community agreements of each place you visit.

Recommendations

A score between 0 to 4
You have guessed that there is a low to moderate risk that power imbalances will negatively affect a relationship. Remember do not make yourself the expert on what is happening for another person. You have made a guess and it’s now time to bring up the subject by asking for their opinion and having a conversation about possible power imbalance issues. 

Observe affirmative consent practices which involve going forward with sexual activity only when a “yes” is given. The reasons for the “yes” can vary and can include because someone enthusiastically wants to, because they want to give to their partner, because they are trying to get pregnant, because they want to explore an “edge”, because they are a sex worker who is doing their job etc. Affirmative Consent is a practice that raises the bar. One does not just proceed until a “no” is expressed but one instead watches and listens for the signs of a “yes” in order to proceed. At its foundation, it’s always about folks agreeing to have sex because they want to (1, 2).  This higher standard for consent practices helps reduce the chance of power abuse.

A score between 6 to 9
There are potentially significant power imbalance issues and it is recommended that you have a thought process (on your own) and a discussion with the parties involved.  You will need to arrive at a decision about whether to proceed. In many cases, it might be advised that you do not proceed. If you both mutually decide to proceed, I suggest that you create a plan together to minimize risks. Observe affirmative consent practices as your “new” normal if you are not already doing so. A commitment to continued discussions, planning, and check-ins is advised.  See further ideas at the end of this post about how to minimize the risk that power imbalance issues and/or patterns will cause harm.

A score of 10 and up
There is a high risk that, due to power imbalances, consent processes will be hindered. Therefore in this situation, you are asked to not pursue sex or a romantic relationship. Proceeding could cause great harm to the person in question and legal repercussions for yourself.

Intersecting power issues: The complex picture

We are all a mix of intersecting power imbalances. For example, I am a teacher in my CI community. This role gives me a position of power in my community. I am also a woman. My CI community cannot avoid the “soup” of systemic sexism that we all stew in regardless of whether we realize it or not. Being a woman has, at times, put me in a position of disempowerment even though I am a well-known local teacher. Writing about consent issues in the CI world has made me a target for harassment but in recent years has also put me in a position of influence worldwide. I am also a white person who society affords privileges due to systemic racism. I benefit in many ways from the privileges the dominant culture gives me. I am middle class and had access to higher education yet I am an artist in a society that undervalues the arts. I also have autism. People with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) are a misunderstood and often invisible group in the CI world. I am an aging woman in a youth-orientated culture. As I grow older, I am increasingly disempowered and made invisible by the dominant culture except for moments in which the tables turn and my age is seen as a sign of wisdom. Understanding how my position of power plays out in my community relationships is complex due to intersecting identities.

I have been talking about intersecting identities within a person but there are also intersecting power imbalances that occur between partners. I will use my husband and myself as an example. I have been teaching Contact Improvisation for over 20 years and have a greater level of CI skill and experience than he has. This has caused him to feel disempowered at times within our dance relationship. I, therefore, make an effort to support his autonomy as a dancer and I admit when we first met him I “bossed” him around always trying to teach him skills instead of just dancing with him and letting him find his own way. Looking back I think that I was not acting with integrity in relation to my position of power as a teacher. Once I stopped doing this our dance relationship became stronger and more enjoyable for both of us. We also have power imbalances in relation to finances. My husband is an engineer and I am an artist. This means there is an earning differential that leaves me at times feeling disempowered. He and I have ongoing discussions to attend to the risks involved in all these power differentials. It is a work in progress.

Take a moment to think and or write about the intersecting power issues involved in your unique situation. What might they look like?

In the case that you and your prospective partner have complex intersecting power imbalances, I suggest that you both take the quiz and use your answers and results as the starting point for discussion.

Do you have a power imbalance pattern?

In looking at your past romantic partners or at people you tend to give romantic attention toward, can you identify a pattern that is related to power imbalance issues? I am not talking about patterns of attraction such as the tendency to be attracted to people with red hair or people who play the guitar or a certain sexual identity. These types of preferences do not hold the risk of power abuse. I am referring to the tendency to use or gravitate towards certain power imbalances situations as a way to increase the likelihood that you will have influence over a potential partner. For instance, do you tend to target attention on people very new to Contact Improvisation? Or do you tend to withhold important details of your situation from prospective partners or lovers? Or do you tend to try to hook up with people who are vulnerable due to emotional upheaval?  Do you tend to use tactics to increase power imbalances to increase your chances of getting sex? These can include withholding important details, lying to them, gaslighting, isolating someone from people they trust, destabilizing their sense of self-esteem with a mix of excessive compliments and/or critique, or causing them to solely rely on you for support or advice.

Once a pattern is named then you can ask yourself questions. Why do you tend to repeat it?  What level of risk does this pattern pose for your community and to those you are in a relationship with? What needs to occur to shift the pattern?  Sometimes just becoming aware of a pattern is a significant step in unwinding its hold on you. In other instances, psychotherapy might be needed to find the root of the issue.  In cases where a power imbalance pattern has caused great harm to your community, you will need to consider both therapy and what amends can be made to your community and the individuals you have hurt.

It is especially important for those in positions of power to reflect upon their power patterns as part of the process of leading with integrity. And this reflection needs to be an ongoing practice. I suggest that you refrain from good-people/bad-people thinking in which you think good people do not have power imbalance patterns and bad people do. Instead, I offer that we all have power imbalance patterns, and in owning them and talking about them we have the ability to minimize or neutralize the risk they pose.

I am going to “jump” first to lead the way. Through assessing my history I can see that I tend to shy away from dating people who would score high on mainstream attractiveness ratings. I think this is because I feel insecure about my looks and it is my not-so-evolved way to ensure a partner’s “good looks” do not leave me with the lower hand of a power imbalance. Okay, I went first now I offer that it is your turn.

Grab a notebook and name some of your power imbalance patterns
*One way to illuminate your patterns is to assess a number of past relationships using the above quiz.
* remember power imbalance patterns happen on a gradient scale. That means we all have them to varying degrees.

The Blurry Zone

Okay after having done the quiz and assessed your power imbalance patterns let’s say you and your prospective partner have mutually decided to proceed into the blurry zone. What I mean by that is that you have both determined that there are power imbalance issues and/or patterns at play but you have mutually and affirmatively decided to proceed anyways. Please note, I believe that all relationships occur in the blurry zone but some are more blurry than others.

Here are some ways to minimize or dismantle the risk that power imbalance issues and/or patterns will cause harm.

• Have a conversation about power imbalances with the person you are in a relationship with or whom you wish to enter into a relationship with.
• Name the power imbalances.
• Name power imbalance patterns you have identified in yourself.
• Create a plan together to minimize the risk of the power imbalances you identified. Write out this plan and put it up somewhere that you see regularly (like your fridge).
• Familiarize yourself with consent practices and literature such as The Wheel of Consent,  Consent Crew, Nadine Thornhill, and Hannah Witton
• Follow affirmative consent practices in which you only proceed when “yes” is given which involves proactive communication and mutual agreement.
• Seek affirmative consent as things proceed. This involves pausing to do check-ins. This is especially important to do on your first time together when you have not yet established likes and dislikes.
• Provide the opportunity for informed consent by being honest with them about details of your situation and your past. This can include your expectations and intentions; whether you are in this for the long term or you just want it to be short-term or casual; describing your constellations of friends or lovers; the disclosure of STD status; and any other details you feel are significant. Once these details have been communicated, the person can decide whether they want to proceed with a clear understanding of what they are entering into.
• Own your role in the systems that brings power imbalances into your relationship.  Yes, this might mean talking about the privileges that the dominant culture gives you.
• Develop and practice strong listening skills as well as other relational skills. For example, adopt a NVC practice for challenging conversations.
• For the beginner scenario, let time pass before proceeding so they can gain experience and thus lessen the senior/beginner dancer power imbalance.
• Keep the conversation ongoing. Discussions about power imbalances and consent are not one-time things that you can checkmark once done. They are ongoing conversations.
• Instigate a mutual “ cheering for a no” practice. This involves actively supporting or cheering each other on in moments of saying “no”. Do this because you understand that being able to say “no” to each other is fundamental to a healthy relationship.
• Instigate a practice of encouraging and supporting each other in forming opinions that differ from each other.
• Support your partner in being the expert on themselves.
• If you are a dance teacher, support and encourage them to study with other dance teachers or organizations.
• If you are their dance teacher you can decide to withdraw from the teacher role to minimize the risk of power imbalance issues.
• Make a commitment not to use manipulation techniques that potentially increase your power over someone. 
• Take an active role in your community to address systemic power imbalance issues. This could involve starting a women’s or men’s group, or POC or queer-friendly jams, or hiring an expert to provide training on dismantling racism, sexism, ableism, and other isms.
• Seek individual and/or couple counseling with a professional therapist in cases where power imbalance issues are beyond your ability to tend to.
• What are some ways you can think of to minimize the risks of a power imbalance that are not listed above?

Use what you have learned from this article in all different types of relationships

Although I have been talking about sexual and romantic relationships it can be useful to have conversations about power imbalance in regard to all types of relationships including dance-floor partnerships, creative partnerships, co-teaching relationships, family relationships, friendships, mentorships, and student/teacher configurations. For example, many of the points in this article can be used to navigate power imbalances in partnerships occurring solely on the dance floor.

References
1) Hannah Witton (2021). “Why Enthusiastic Consent’ Doesn’t Work for Everyone / Modal of special consent. https://youtu.be/UreZfOT54Bw
In this YouTube video, Hannah Witton’s definition of affirmative consent includes various reasons why people say “yes” to sex.

2) Nadine Thornhill (2021). The quote defining Authentic Convent is from her Instagram account https://www.instagram.com/nadinethornhill/

Resources
“RDD Dance Jam Guidelines” and our “Newcomer’s Tip Sheet”

Author
Kathleen Rea danced with Canada’s Ballet Jorgen, National Ballet of Canada & Tiroler Landestheater (Austria). She fell in love with contact improvisation 22 years ago & has been involved in the community ever since. She has choreographed over 40 dance works and has been nominated for 5 DORA awards. Kathleen has a learning disability which means writing takes 6 times longer than average. It is one of life’s mysteries that despite this struggle she loves writing and is a published author (The Healing Dance). She has a Master’s in Expressive Arts with a minor in Psychology. She is a certified teacher of the Axis Syllabus and Buteyko Breathing. She is the director of REAson d’etre dance, a Toronto not-for-profit dance company that is contact improvisation based and produces a weekly jam, an annual weekend-end jam, a film festival, and dance theatre productions. She has autism & works to educate the world about neurodiversity. She developed the well-read REAson d’etre dance Dance Jam Guidelines (download here) which over the past 20 years have influenced consent culture in the contact improvisation worldwide community. She also is the founder of the Contact Improv Consent Culture Blog. Kathleen Rea’s Demo Reel